The month of June reminded me of my long, deceased paternal grandmother since it is her birthday month. I do not have a lot, well, thinking bout it now, I would be more honest to say that I do not have fond memories of her, not a single one. Somehow the word grandmother calls to mind only two words: loving and monstrous. The last one being my paternal grandmother. And thank God for my maternal grandmother, I was able to see the good side of having one. I realize that I might hurt my relatives feelings upon writing this down, but I’m just trying to be true in what I write. You can attest to the fact that she never made life any easy for me growing up, so perhaps, you would be able to understand how I feel. It doesn’t mean I never loved her, in fact, all the while I wanted to make her proud of me, but somehow all my efforts are not good enough and I always end up second best to my cousin. Anyway, moving on to the things that I remember about her.

• She was an impulsive buyer. She’d normally bring me along the wet market to carry all her purchases and most of the time we’d be able to fill two huge straw bags or “bayong” and we’d go home with only fare for the jeepney ride. Looking back, now, I realize I had the misfortune of taking after her, of getting my zero financial IQ from her.
• She loved having jewelries. I remember her jeweler – a lady who comes by her house once a month bringing her all kinds of jewelries and precious stones including loose diamonds that the lady carefully places in her bra every time my grandmother’s done checking out the newest and trendiest stone.
• She’s stubborn. I guess I got that from her too. She defies her doctors orders (something I’m only guilty of twice) and she refuses to be told what to do.
• She liked having lavish parties. Back during the time when they were well off I was told by people who saw that time that my grandmother would throw huge parties and serve the best tasting dishes.

Those are just some of the things I remember about her. I just hope that she had been easier on me before. I might have had a chance to look at her at a different light, and perhaps ended up having a better self image had she given me the chance to reach out to her. When I become a grandmother myself, the memory of her and my unhappy childhood will forever remind me not to play favorites. Perhaps my future grandchildren will have to thank you for that Mama.